payback is a bitch

as if the fact that i actually had to catch up on transfiguration didn’t already make me angry enough, thinking of the events of the latest lesson had me fuming with rage. i didn’t even notice how my grip on the book tightened as i thought of it again. rinah parrish. i didn’t think i’d forget this name for the next few years, even though i really hoped i would. i should just hit her with the most unpleasant jinx i know when i see her again. after involuntarily being teamed up with her, i might have been in a bad mood, not exactly living up to the expectations she’d had from me up to that point. yes, i’d paid her about two whole compliments but that wasn’t reason enough to think someone is actually a nice person. i snorted angrily as i remembered what happened when we were supposed to practice the gemini curse. she’d actually dared to perform the confundus charm on me. i wasn’t sure what annoyed me more; the fact that she’d done it in the first place or the fact that she’d done it successfully. my memory of the lesson was a mess. after the spell, i couldn’t tell up from down anymore. nothing had made sense anymore and magic didn’t make it any better. try understanding an exact copy of a cup appearing out of nowhere when you couldn’t even understand why you’re writing on parchment; or where the heck you where.
with a deep growl, i almost ripped a page from my book, being thrown back into reality. rinah wasn’t here; no need to be angry. i lost count of how many times i had to tell this to myself by now. surprisingly, so far it had worked in nine out of ten cases. i took a deep breath and set the book down, resting it on the long green grass, before rubbing my face shortly. the weather was pretty nice today; it was warm but there was barely any sunshine. the sky was covered by a decent amount of light clouds which didn’t hint to rain. definitely something i’d call a beautiful day.
my next instinct was to get up slowly and stretch my back and arms; god, i really needed a break from studying. i felt like my head was about to explode and didn’t feel like hammering any more facts about useless transfiguration spells inside. i shook my head slowly to get rid of the thoughts about school stuff, stroking a few curls out of my face and rolling my shoulders afterwards. i held my breath for second when i saw her, my jaw tightening instantly. usually i really wasn’t someone who’d look for a fight on purpose but miss parrish had definitely taken a step over the line. she needed to be reminded where it lay, apparently, and it would come back for me if i just let her off the hook now. i pulled my wand out of my pants and waved it in a semicircle shortly, facing rinah as i did so. i didn’t need to actually say the word anymore for the summoning spell. people who stood there, shouting ‘accio’ as they tried to summon an object, seemed ridiculous by now. only a second later i caught the book rinah’d held in her hand, looking at her with a charming smile as i wiggled it around a little. “i think we need to talk.”

after telling my friend holden i wouldn't let him ride my broom for whatever reasons, i made my way outside. i sure as hell wouldn't let the boy who was so damn afraid of heights he couldn't even really attend our quidditch matches ride my comet. whatever the heck he was up to, i sure as hell wouldn't help him with that. so i just took my potions book and walked out of the common room, and onto the courtyard. surprisingly, the weather was really nice. a soft breeze was blowing and even though it was still a bit cold in the shadows, it was pleasantly warm once you were in the sunlight. i took a deep breath as soon as i stepped outside, and it was a nice change from the musty air we had in many parts of the castle. such a nice day and still, there was one thing that kept me from being in a ridiculously good mood. the unstoppable approach of the potions exam. i wasn't particularly bad at it, but even though i always followed the instructions precisely, i managed to fuck up the potions a lot. it was beyond frustrating. and there was another thing that just didn't seem to get out of my head, no matter how hard i tried. or, to be more accurate, i should probably call it a who. ever since this disastrous charms lesson where i met this even more disastrous example of a slytherin who called himself marvel matterface. what kind of name was that. i hated to admit that i actually had been flattered by his compliments. because they had sounded pretty genuine. and being called beautiful from a handsome person like him..but no! don't think that, rinah! it doesn't matter how handsome he was. afer all, the dark lord had been pretty handsome too before he became..well, the dark lord. at least thats's what they said. whoever 'they' were. beauty wasn't always a good thing. and he had proven pretty well what a fu...douchebag he was only a few minutes later after he complimented me. he was just sarcastic and oh so witty but there was not much more to it. simply a snake in human disguise. he could probably even do the hissing noises if he wanted to. i tightened my grip around the book at the mere thought of him, and if i could, i would probably growl angrily. like a lion. unfortunately i couldn't, so everything i did was snorting quietly. though i was pretty proud that the confundus i casted on him had worked. i shouldn't have been this amused by him acting totally retarded. i really shouldn't. but it served him right. i completely ignored the little voice in my head telling me that this was a very low move and that i should be ashamed and lucky no one noticed, especially not the teacher. because if they did, they might've got rid of the spell and then marvel would've told everyone what i had done. not so cool. i didn't want to risk losing house points because of something stupid like this. and in the end it was stupid, i had to admit. but too often the stupid things were the most fun things to do.
just as i spotted a nice place under a tree where i could just sit and read, trying to get how potions work into my head, the book started moving in my arms. i looked down with a confused frown, and with the blink of an eye the book started flying off. i followed it with my eyes, wondering who the hell would - oh, of course. of course it had to be him. "can't a girl just walk here to go study in peace?" i almost hissed over to him, instantly walking towards the slytherin to get my damned book back, which he was wiggling around with while he had the most stupid grin on his face. i held my hand out, gesturing him to just hand the book over. i wasn't looking for a fight now, i had better things to do. but it seemed he see this differently. need to talk? not today, matterface. actually, not ever again. hopefully. "give it back."

of course she wanted to study in peace. just as he had wanted to wish the lesson was over in peace before she cursed him. he snorted as he heard her words and shook his head a bit. it would’ve been wiser not to listen to what she had to say for he just got upset by listening to whatever left her mouth. with a deep breath, i managed to push most of my anger away and cleared my head for whatever it was that was coming my way. apart from a semi-angry rinah parrish, of course. i couldn’t help but take a little step away from her as she kept coming closer. as much as i hated to admit it; my heart was racing. i had trouble keeping my hands from shaking slighty, compressing my lips shortly. i had no idea what this young witch was capable of. and i had even less of an idea about how far she was willing to go. it was already clear that she didn’t back off when it came to charms. she held out her hand and gestured me to give her back the book. “oh you wish,” i replied with a snort. “how about an apology, huh?” i raised my eyebrows and tilted my head a little, holding the book a bit behind my back so she couldn’t just grab it and run off. i’d honestly expected her to use force to get it back but perhaps she just tried to reason with me before using more drastic measures.
expecting her to actually apologise would’ve been a fool’s mistake. i just didn’t know what else to say at this moment. i really didn’t expect to even get a chance to say more than one sentence before she cursed or hurt me in some way, making it unable to throw mean comments at her. “so... i might’ve forgotten where my manners were during transfiguration and i’m sorry for insulting you.” so much for getting revenge. i could do this. i could totally do this. i wasn’t some softie who wasn’t capable of being mean to a pretty girl who really deserved it. “but due to your little stunt i’m actually not as sorry as i should be. i’m not a total asshole though, so i will give you back your...” i looked at the book shortly. “potions book.” i nodded a little and smiled at her before opening the book. after glancing at her, i tore a page out of it and crumpled it a bit before placing it on her palm. “piece by piece of course.” another charming smile snuck on my lips and i took a bigger step back this time, expecting something coming my way. “i really hope you don’t make me burn some part of the book though, i’m afraid we can’t undo that. so if i were you, i’d watch my mouth for real this time. and my wand. because whatever you’ll throw at me, something worse will come your way. trust me, darling.” hell yeah, i knew i could do this. the only important thing now was to not mess up and make a total idiot out of myself. that should be possible. and not all too hard to achieve. at least i really hoped so.

some monkey who just happens to be able to hold a wand. that was a rather accurate description of too many students at Hogwarts. i just didn’t really know if parrish was one of them. i’d just started to called her by her last name because it seemed like using her first name was too personal, too close. names had power and i really didn’t want to warm up to her, i’d already had enough of close contact, to be quite honest. after all i even got to meet her wand already; juice included. and she hadn’t even invited me for some tea beforehand. “yes, an apology for jinxing me. exactly. it was rude and... rather uncalled for. that could’ve brought me in a very... unfortunate situation. so an apology for potentially getting me into trouble if you will.” i snorted amused at the angry glare she shot me as she unsuccessfully tried to grab the book. amateur. since i hadn’t been raised in a barn though, i apologised for forgetting my manners in that lesson. which was only partly her fault but mostly the teacher’s. letting my anger and frustration out on her hadn’t been the smoothest move, i’ll admit that.
like she’d been trained to do so, she grabbed her wand again. actually, it became more accurate, the comparison to a monkey, i mean. like you could train a dog to expect food when you ring a bell, you could train a monkey to grab a piece of wood whenever it got angry. and since humans were surprisingly similar to monkeys, it was only fitting to call her one. her fist closed around the piece of her book  and i could basically feel her blood starting to cook due to rage. she probably needed a few more seconds to comprehend what i had just done. this should be amusing to watch now. though she didn’t react in the way i expected her to. instead of insulting and cursing me loudly, she just put up her hands slowly – not even pointing her wand at me. i couldn’t quite believe what my eyes were seeing. was the gryffindor actually being reasonable about this? impossible. but when she told me to go on, i just looked at her baffled. i raised an eyebrow and looked at her a bit confused. what in merlin’s name...
it only took me a moment to find amusement in this though. i pulled the corners of my mouth down shortly and nodded. “as you wish, princess.” i didn’t even pay attention to her poor try of indirectly insulting me. of course i was a fine guy. that’s what happens to people who are raised the way i had been raised. i opened her book again and tore out another page, just letting the wind carry it away a bit, carefully watching her reaction. “actually...” i took out my wand and cast a locomotion charm without saying the word. after i was sure i could keep the spell up long enough, i steered her book over the lake’s surface, which wasn’t all too far away from us. it was only was a few inches over the water and as i looked back at rinah - parrish, i couldn’t help but smirk. “now, that’s more like it. what’s it going to be, huh? apologise and you can keep your book. it really is that easy. and don’t doubt for a second that i will drown it in the lake.” if she decided to jinx me, she would make the decision of letting the book fall into the water for me anyway. she also shouldn’t try to break my concentration if she didn’t want to go for a dive in a desperate attempt to save her book. yes, it was a pretty dick move but... it was also fun. for me.

it sort of bugged me that i couldn’t disagree with her about me actually deserving to be jinxed. i really had been an ‘outrageous asshole’. not really how i would say it but in the end it was pretty accurate to use exactly these two words. i almost gasped as she set the next sentence behind that insult though. and the fact that i actually opened my mouth in a silent gasp, didn’t make it better at all. “wow.” i snorted and shook my head with disbelief. she didn’t even know me. “because you are definitely in a position to judge, right? merlin, you gryffindors are all the same. bloody smartarses who always have to be right. and, of course, you’re also the best.” actually i was the one not in a position to judge this time. i only knew a handful of lions but at least for those few my description was rather accurate. not like parrish knew that anyway. there was nothing wrong about not entirely telling the truth. and a bit of exaggeration hadn’t seriously hurt anyone yet. not that i’d heard at least.
as she told me to cut the crap, i rolled my eyes. i almost blurted out ‘i’m british, we call other people names, deal with it’ but that wasn’t even true. i mean, yes, brits used ‘love’ and ‘darling’ to a probably unhealthy amount but i wasn’t actually british. i was irish. though by now i had more of a british accent than an irish one – the kind you’d hear in london. not some... hideous other british accent. there were plenty of those after all. “oh so you’re saying it is my fault that i was born into a rich family now? is that where this is going? because all i’m hearing it raging jealousy. sucks for you, i suppose.” and there i went overboard again. but did i even care? no. no, i did not. i also didn’t really care that she put her wand away. good for me. at her next words, i had to roll my eyes again. i didn’t feel like commenting any further though. immature person, what an expression. i could almost feel my iq decrease. i just stood there with my arm stretched out and my wand pointing towards the lake, not really knowing what to do anymore. i wouldn’t get another apology but i actually wasn’t doing this so she’d say sorry. why was i doing this. right, because i had been angry. but somehow all that anger seemed to be wiped away already and i was left with this pointless demonstration of power that didn’t even do anything for her anymore. so it wasn’t even fun. that was the second time she’d won. and i hated it. that was exactly what she’d wanted. i sighed defeated and flicked my wand towards us, widening my eyes as the book didn’t fly in our direction but plunged in the lake instead. this time i couldn’t hold back my gasp, staring at the lake in horror, my wand still raised. “oh merlin,” i whispered and looked to her slowly, compressing my lips before actually facing her. “i’m sorry. i didn’t- that was not planned, i was going to-“ what did it matter what i had been about to do. i hadn’t done it. instead i had thrown her book to the giant squid. maybe the slytherins were wondering what object was sinking to the bottom of the lake right now, pressing their faces against the window in the common room. “i’m really sorry, i’ll give you my book, promise. i’d just... have to get it.” i cleared my throat quietly, being genuinely uncomfortable about how bad i felt right now. at least potions was the one thing i seemed to be good at so i should be good borrowing liam’s book until i could get a new one. “i really didn’t want this.”

i regretted it the moment after i said it. telling him he simply was an asshole. how should i know how he actually was? so far i probably only got to know his bad side. but then again, he had actually shown he was capable of being nice. in some twisted way. and i still think i kind of got him fluttered when i said the thing about giving him points for keeping quiet. and i was still goddamn sure he actually called me adorable, even though he denied it. which only made me more confused about this mess of a situation we were in. he was an ass, but then again, he said he liked fighting with me. and the adorable thing, of course. i just couldn't stop thinking about it, to be honest. i wish i could say it was different, but my mind just did its own thing and kept thinking about this guy even though i really didn't want to. but i realized i stepped out of line. "actually, no, i'm not. i take it back. sorry, okay? jesus." i sighed loudly. of course he had to attack us gryffindors as a whole again, and in that department, he wasn't better than me. not one bit. i always painted everything with the same brush too when it came to slytherins. for me they just were nasty, rich, spoiled brats. but since i thought like that, i didn't comment on it. not my business what he thought of gryffindors, it was known our houses despise each other anyway.
he rolled his eyes, a thing i really hated. he looked ridiculous as he did it. i snorted loudly, i was so amused. sure, having a lot of money must be nice. but judging from the snippets of information i got on him, his life wasn't that nice. at least my dad didn't publically embaras me with a howler. actually, i was glad to have such a loving dad. he really always did his best, even though he didn't understand half of the magical things that were going on in my life. "sure thing. jealous. of you? not in a thousand years." i actually had to laugh, that's how ridiculous this assumption was. of all the emotions i had already felt because of marvel, jealousy definitely wasn't one of them. as he didn't comment any further, we just stood there in awkward silence, marvel still holding up his wand, my book hovering dangerously close over the lake. all i wanted to do was to leave. but at least it seemed like my plan had worked. there was no fun in destroying my book anymore, and he sighed defeated. i honestly felt a bit proud, i had actually managed to solve this without getting violent or using magic. not being an asshole myself on the other hand..that didn't quite work out. but he didn't really leave me another choice! he flicked his wand, only to widen his eyes and gasp as i heard the splashing noise of my book landing in the lake. i turned my head and watched it sink in a second of horror, shaking my head a little. and all i could get out was "great." as i slowly turned my head to him again, he was already looking at me, and i could clearly see the horror on his face. of course, he hadn't planned for this to happen. too bad i actually believed him. i compressed my lips and nodded slowly as he talked, looking to the lake again for a moment again. then i looked back to him. "yeah, you better. i really fucking need to study." for whatever goddamn reason, i suddenly felt like crying. all the anger and rage from before seemed to have sunken down the lake the second my book did. failing the potions exam really wasn't an option, i needed a good grade. so getting his book instead seemed like a reasonable option, and at least he actually seemed sorry. i hated the fact he managed to make me feel bad, when i was proud of my little victory just a minute before. "but apology accepted. get me a book and just leave me alone then. you got what you wanted, right? an apology for jinxing you and a little display of your power."

and then she apologised. it was beyond my understanding why she did because she had to be right to some extent, right? but as to being an outrageous asshole... takes one to know one. i took a deep breath and nodded a little. “okay. thanks. for apologising, i mean.” i just looked at her to show her that i meant my words. usually i would smile to get this effect but i really didn’t feel like it at the moment. i’d rather throw her book against her head. but i wouldn’t do that. not ever. as badly as i could insult people, there hadn’t even been one time where i got physical so far. i hadn’t jinxed anyone yet either. admittedly, i had jinxed liam but that was something different. he was my best friend after all. what would our friendship be without the slight hostility sometimes.
honestly, i hadn’t thought she’d be jealous of me personally. more like jealous of persons who don’t have financial troubles. but then again, i didn’t actually know if she had financial problems. so in the end i was just being an asshole about this again. assuming things i had no right or reason to assume in the first place. “noted.” i just ignored that she’d actually laughed about what i had said.
the splashing noise her book made when it hit the surface was more like an explosion to me in that moment. my stomach twisted as i heard it and after i had recovered from my shock, i tightened my jaw a little, swallowing hard. she didn’t seem nearly half as shocked as i was but she wasn’t really angry either. she was just... i couldn’t even begin to describe it. frustrated, perhaps. frustrated to no end. though i couldn’t help but to feel offended when she told me i better give her my book. like it was some unspoken rule stating that i actually had to do that. i could’ve just not given a shit as well, to be fair. i just nodded and swallowed everything i had to say. i didn’t want to start another fight now. i was done fighting with her for today. after her next words i felt extraordinarily guilty for something i couldn’t even have avoided. it was an accident. “that’s not really what i was going for but... whatever.” i shrugged and summoned my own book that was still lying on the ground. after grabbing it, i crossed my arms and took a few small steps towards the castle. “you coming or are you going to wait here?”

if there was one thing i hadn’t expected it was hearing a ‘thank you’ from her for offering my book. she’d made it sound like i actually owed this to her now. i mean, technically i did but that didn’t mean that i had to live up to any expectations. but she seemed to finally believe that i had, in fact, not thrown her book in the lake on purpose. i wasn’t sure why i found this relieving but i didn’t question it any further. “it’s okay. no need to thank me. it’s my fault you can’t have yours so... that’s the least i can do.” i compressed my lips shortly to silence another apology. she’d already said it was okay. it still wasn’t okay but she had accepted my apology so i didn’t have to annoy her by saying it fifty more times.
she seemed confused when i asked if she was going to come with me or if she was going to wait here for me. i was just making sure where i would have to deliver my book, i guess. or maybe i secretly even hoped she would come with me. as much as i hated to admit it, i liked having her around. even if it didn’t seem like it; especially because of that actually. or well, it was more accurate to say that there was a slight chance that i was only behaving like such a jerk because i didn’t want anyone to know that i actually enjoyed her company. hell, i even liked her. i wasn’t proud of it but my best friend had made me admit it and ever since those words had left my mouth, i was painfully aware of this fact. “come on then,” i said with a slight smile and started walking next to her. we walked in silence to the castle, both not really knowing what to say. my thought slipped back to the incident where i happened to be the victim of a levicorpus. i glanced at her and realised once again how beautiful she actually was. i tried my best not to notice it, not to notice anything good about her actually, but my brain didn’t really go along with that plan at times. “you can keep my book if you want. like... forever. unless you’re upset about the fact that there might be a few notes inside? in that case i’ll get you a new one though. just let me know, okay?” i compressed my lips shortly another time, overwhelmed by the sudden kindness i showed towards her. if i didn’t know how to react to that, how would rinah? she was probably genuinely creeped out by it. but there wasn’t anything about it i could change anyway, so i didn’t even bother to think about it any longer.

marvel seemed to be aware of the fact that he fucked up and that offering me his own book was at least the most polite thing to do. i still felt like thanking him for even offering it anyway. "well yes but you didn't have to. you could've just walked away like that." i had to admit that i was somehow glad he didn't. walk away, i mean. i guess some part of me just wanted to believe he wasn't that bad, and once i stopped being angry and was able to think straight again without having the urge to insult him every few minutes..maybe he would actually show his nice side. something about the way he talked to me now made me sure he definitely had one. i still tried to force myself to dislike him, telling myself that i was a hopeless romantic, hoping that there was something good in everyone. and just as i told myself that he probably only does this now so he doesn't get into trouble, he smiled a little and i had to stare at the ground in front of me so i didn't smile myself. instead i just frowned confused, wondering why on earth i just thought again how adorable he was. what's wrong with me all of a sudden? i was thankful for the few moments of silence we shared as we walked back to the castle. i still wasn't all too keen on making conversation, and even if, i wouldn't know what to talk about with him anyway. because, in fact, i didn't really know him. i knew his name and some things i figured out myself, but besides that, he was pretty much just another student at hogwarts, like the other hundred. only that i didn't think about them nonstop as i did about him. and none of the others were as handsome as him either, even though we had some really beautiful people here. it was an outrage. i almost snorted at myself. i should stop thinking about him in any way. but i knew that probably was a lost cause. as he offered me to keep his book for good now, i just looked at him with the probably most puzzled expression ever. i almost asked why he's so nice to me all of a sudden, but i was afraid i wouldn't like the answer so i didn't. instead i said something just as dumb. "i'm actually kinda bad at potions which is why i really need to study. so i guess some notes might be helpful? but you can have it back if you really get me a new one, or until i found another book." admitting that i was bad at something suddenly made me feel extremely vulnerable, especially in front of him, and i wished i could take it back. i frowned a bit and looked on the ground again. some part of me felt uncomfortable, but his presence also was kind of calming, pleasant even. what the hell, rinah? "it's really nice of you though." i added, and i wished someone would punch me or anything so i'd stop talking or thinking or anything at all.

she was right. i could’ve walked away. a part of me was asking myself  why i didn’t. but then i remembered that i actually wasn’t completely rotten on the inside and i had actually a very innocent and kind soul. if i had walked away, i would be the type of person who would kick a puppy; i would never kick a puppy. in some way rinah was like a puppy. she was at least as adora- marvel no. the times i had to call myself out on thinking things i really shouldn’t be thinking was increasing dramatically lately. and i knew exactly whose fault that was. “but i didn’t.” while i was smiling and made a fool out of myself, the gryffindor frowned and stared at the ground. sighing internally, i dropped my smile again.
my eyebrows shot upwards as she told me she was bad at potions. i didn’t quite believe my ears at first, just looking at her with the disbelief i felt. i opened my mouth to say something but no words came out, so i just closed it again, collecting my thoughts for a moment before i gave it another try. “that’s... well i’m not sure if you understand my notes or if you can even read them but i think they’re not complete trash and could actually, perhaps help you a bit. potions is like... the one thing i’m good at. you can just ask me if you can’t read anything though... if you want...” i cleared my throat quietly and this time i was the one who had to look away. “i guess it would only be fair if you got the new book i’ll buy, you’re right.” i was baffled by the fact that she told me she was bad at potions. she delivered me a weakness of hers on a silver platter. i didn’t really know what to do with this fact. did that mean she trusted me? in some way? i mean she sure had to trust that i wouldn’t use the information against her. which i wouldn’t; not even if i hit rock bottom. there are some things i would never use against a person to insult them. their blood status for instance. it wasn’t anything that could be changed anyway. nobody was anything by choice. i wasn’t a pureblood by choice. i just happened to be one and now i was stuck with it. simple as that. so using it to insult someone was just low. “don’t mention it, to be honest. you’re very welcome. i really wish i could turn back time and undo that.” we went down the stairs to the dungeons and i took a deep breath before coming to a halt there. i could slap myself for wanting to show her the slytherin common room all of a sudden. i glanced to the wall that would open if i said the password but i knew it wouldn’t end well anyway. and she probably wouldn’t even want to go there. i was pretty sure she hated our entire house, just like i had a strong dislike towards hers. “so... you’ll... wait here...?” not like she could do anything else since running away would be stupid. after all giving her my book was for her good, not mine.

extraordinarily nice was something i hadn’t been called in... never, actually. nobody had ever told me that. it didn’t really help that my stomach felt like it twisted somehow when rinah said that. but i knew it didn’t twist. i knew exactly what this feeling was and boy did it mean trouble. “i’m just... normal...” i shrugged a little, not really knowing that to say at this point. but since i was a fair person at times, i decided to give her a weakness of mine too. “i’m actually really bad at transfiguration. which was... partly the reason i just got unfriendly. i didn’t want to do the spell because i was rather sure i’d mess it up.” i compressed my lips after finishing my sentence, only really realising that this was true now. i didn’t think too much about the why when i felt like doing things. i just did them. “i don’t really mind, actually. if they help you, you can keep it. i’ll just write them down again if i happen to need them.” i looked at her and the smile on her lips made my heart miss another beat. this was bad. this was utterly bad. i snorted at her next words, not really sure if she was serious or joking. i just hoped it was the latter. “i’ll try not to. but you know, the urge to be a dick sits pretty deep in my soul.” i pulled down the corners of my mouth shortly and nodded slowly. that was rather accurate, i’d say.
when she kept walking after i stopped, i chuckled quietly and smirked at her when she came back to me. one more thing to add to the list of adorable things she did. and then she asked about our common room. i looked away shortly and compressed my lips at the same time to suppress another smile. “yes. that’s true. it’s... fascinating. i really love it. my favourite thing is to look out of it at night when the moon is shining really bright. it adds even more magic to the lake. especially when the giant squid passes. i would show you if i could but...” i nodded shortly because i knew that she was just as aware as me that showing her wasn’t really an option. a gryffindor in our common room would be an outrage. nobody would be tolerant about that. but i guess at some point they would understand the curiosity. after all we were pretty curious about the other houses’ common rooms.

by now i was certainly sure he wasn't just normal. he was unlike every boy i've ever met. but instead of saying what i actually thought, i somehow managed to fuck up again. i frowned a little "normal? i'd say special, for the lack of a better word." not the bad sort of special, no. sure, he drove me up the walls most of the time but...there was something about him..i couldn't put my finger on it. the realization dawned on me that if i actually hated him, i wouldn't be standing with him here now, trying to make him a compliment. what this realization meant though, i didn't really know. nothing good probably, nothing good. as he revealed a weakness of his though, it was my turn to look at him in total disbelief. "oh." i said with raised eyebrows. who would've thought that? "i actually thought you're so good you don't wanna bother because you'd do it perfectly anyway.." he might be arrogant, but i saw that he was skilled indeed. i thought he was actually good at everything. he probably had o's or e's in most subjects anyway. just not transfiguration, as it seemed. i sighed internally because actually, i had been wondering about how good he was at school ever since we had that certain transfiguration class. but since he had shown he was even able to cast spells without saying the word, i figured he had to be good, which would in some way even excuse..or well, explain, why he was so arrogant, maybe. maybe it also just was some sort of self-defense mechanism, since he seemed to have a lot of pressure about grades coming from his father at least. be the best at everything and make sure everyone knows you are. just that he made the persons around him feel stupid, like he managed to do with me. but i didn't want to think about this one damned lesson anymore, in fact i stopped being angry about this the second he apologized. and maybe it was a stupid thing to do, forgiving him, but it felt as if his apology and him being nice all of a sudden literally blew every bit of rage i had in me away. and openly admitting his flaws didn't make it easier for me to hate him. but at least he didn't plan on drowning any more books. "that's good. but you can always try to resist that urge to be a major dick, at least. only sometimes. gotta admit it's..really kind of.. i don't know, i guess i know what you meant by saying it's fun fighting with me because of the comebacks and being an ass." i compressed my lips and told myself to just shut up because i was only talking utter garbage anyway. "forget i said that." but it was true. there were some persons that really made it impossible to discuss or even fight over a thing with them. i didn't mind a good fight every now and then, sometimes it even was relieving. as long as it didn't get too bad. and i had to give it to him, he might have stepped over the line a few times just the way i did, but some part of me had fun showing him he couldn't push me around; making him realize i wasn't some helpless little gryffindor.
as i turned around and walked back to him again, i was a bit embarrassed, especially when i saw that he smirked at me. i quickly asked something, and i could've sworn he was trying to hide a smile by compressing his lips for a moment. the way he talked about how much he loved something as simple as looking out of the window and into the lake was just so adorable, i had to smile against my will. sadly, we both knew he couldn't show it to me though. i frowned a little and nodded slowly. "that sounds really beautiful..maybe some other time..?" i pulled the corners of my mouth down, not believing i just indirectly asked him to show me his goddamn common room sometime. why not ask for a date straight away! as if that'd ever happen. i felt as if i just found him more and more adorable by the minute, and it really got on my nerves. so i hastily added something to break the moment of silence. "but i can just wait here while you get the book." i wondered what i'd do once i got it, but i tried not to think about that. even though i'd have to make a decision in a few minutes anyway. maybe even less. and the painful truth was, i was actually enjoying this, and i would've liked to keep talking to him. even if only for a bit longer.

miracle, that’s what i would call it. the girl who’d just minutes before called me an outrageous asshole had just called me special. special. i just looked at her with disbelief, not a chance at trying not do. “i hope it’s the good kind,” i replied before i knew it. and of course there was a smile on my face. hell, i was even so flattered for a moment that i had to look away. i was almost embarrassed about feeling flattered just because a pretty girl had called me special. for all i knew she’d actually meant the bad kind. that wasn’t flattering at all then. i just hoped she didn’t. and for that alone i wanted to slap myself.
the oddest thing about confessing one of my weaknesses was that i didn’t even regret it. i thought it was fair. i was even glad i told her. it felt a bit relieving for some reason. perhaps because i had never before admitted to be bad at something; i hadn’t said it at least. i was used to other people telling me that i was terrible, pathetic even. the adjectives used to describe my failure varied a lot and depended on who the person that spoke to me was. “and that was exactly what i wanted you to think,” i said with a light chuckle, grinning at her then. “it worked, as it seems. i just really... i don’t think i would’ve been able to do it. i would’ve failed miserably and you would’ve rubbed it in my face. so after all i’m actually grateful that you jinxed me. you spared me a whole lot of humiliation and possibly some self hatred. thank you.” i couldn’t believe what had just come out of my mouth. had she spiked me with a truth potion somehow? i didn’t think so but it was the only explanation i could come up with that wouldn’t make this whole situation very problematic. but that’s just what this was. problematic as hell. may merlin help me.
soon i would lose count of the nice things she said to me today. apparently, i wasn’t the only one who liked this fighting. she liked fighting with me just as much. a grin appeared on my lips instantly, as she said i should forget what she’d just said. “oh you wish. i’ll remember this until the day i die. i’ll get a mark on my body with your words.” i chuckled and shook my head. and then i just winked at her. i winked at her and it was a fully conscious decision. what the hell was wrong with me.
showing her the slytherin common room was probably the worst idea of the century but, god, i wanted to do it so badly. and i had a feeling that she wanted me to do so just as much. “some other time.” i smiled and looked down shortly before allowing myself to direct my gaze at her again. it was like she got more beautiful by the minute. something about her smile made my stomach feel really uneasy and at the same time i felt a certain kind of warmth inside my chest. i felt comfortable. her smile made happy. i couldn’t even really describe it. before i knew it, i took one of her hands with both of mine and looked her in the eye. “promise,” i said quietly and nodded a little. i didn’t smile this time though. i don’t think i’d ever been so serious about something. “and if there’s one thing you should know about me... it’s that i never break my word. never.” and with that i let go of her hand again, taking a few steps back. she told me she’d just wait here while i got the book. i nodded to tell her i’d heard her before turning my back to her and walking to a certain spot. i whispered the password and the wall swung open, letting me inside. after i’d entered, it closed again rather fast and i walked to the dorms, getting my potions book quickly. when i re-entered the dungeons, rinah was still standing there, just like she’d said. i smiled a little and walked up to her, holding my book out for her. “here you go.”

telling him he was special could've been a mistake. it could've totally backfired. he could've taken it the wrong way but...i think he didn't. of course i meant the good kind of special. hell, i wouldn't waste my time on him if he wasn't somehow special. and i just had to admit that he really was. his smile sent a weird feeling through my stomach and of course i had to smile too. like it was physically not possible for me anymore not to return his smile. he looked so flattered, i wondered if anyone had ever told him that. if he even got many compliments in general. i hoped he did. because even if he could be an ass, he was obviously capable of being really goddamn nice. and everyone deserves a compliment every now and then. either way, i told myself i'd make him some more the next time i saw him. just not too many, no need to push his ego too much, right? "..well of course the good kind.."
i smirked a bit. seems like his plan didn't quite worked as he wanted it to, even though he did in fact make me believe he was good at everything. but then again, everyone had flaws, i should know that. though i could barely believe how honest he was with me all of a sudden. pursing my lips, i answered. "thankful now, huh?" i chuckled a bit. "that's probably the most surprising thing i've heard in days. i wouldn't have rubbed it in your face though. if you asked nicely, i even would've helped.. probably." granted, he would have had to ask me very nicely, with cherries on top. i might have mocked him a little, sure, since he was a slytherin and all, but more the friendly kind, and i really would've tried to help him. i'm not exactly a genius, but when i'm good at something, i really like helping my friends or classmates. at least i can ask for help too then. egoistic motive, i know. but if you give something, you usually gain something too.
of course he wouldn't just forget what i said. and i didn't even really want him to forget it, i only said that because i was afraid i didn't make any sense and i really didn't want to explain myself. but he only grinned, and his wink got me flattered in the weirdest way. i told myself to finally get my shit together. this was totally getting out of hand. "until you die? that's a long time. are you sure you want my babbling written somewhere on your body?"  i replied and snorted amused, still smiling a little though.
somehow i was happy to see that he smiled as he approved of my suggestion to show me his common room some other time. i don't know why, but i wanted him to show it to me so badly. i wouldn't care if it was any other slytherin. the way he looked at me gave me a tingly feeling in my stomach, and i had to look down for a moment, trying to hide my smile. but i swear, my heart skipped a beat as he took my hand all of a sudden. i widened my eyes a bit, but i couldn't pull my hand away. i didn't want to. his hands were surprisingly soft and warm, and i almost sighed as i thought that it would probably be nice holding hands with someone like him. he was at least a head taller than me, so i looked up and into his eyes, and i felt as if i was gawking at him. i knew he was handsome, but i always tried to ignore it. only that it was pretty much impossible to ignore now, since he suddenly was so close to me that i could almost hear his breathing. i noticed what a beautiful shade of green his eyes had, even though there was some grey in them too. the seriousness of both his voice and his face made me feel as if he had just promised me something way more important than just showing me his common room. his words were so sincere, i couldn't do much else but nod and smile a little. i was so overwhelmed by how intimate this short moment was, there wasn't even some witty answer on my mind. all i could get out was one little sentence. "i'll remember that."  and i was sure i would. as if i could forget that. just as suddenly as he took my hand, he let go of it again, walking to the wall where i assumed the hidden entrance to be. he nodded shortly and i took that as a sign that he heard me when i said i'd wait here. i tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and resisted the urge to wave at him as he vanished through the door. i tried to catch a glimpse on what was behind it, but when i stood in front of it, it had already closed. i sighed a little and walked to the opposing wall, leaning against it with my back and head. i closed my eyes for a moment and frowned a little. what had just happened? the realization that this weird feeling in my stomach might be more than just a weird feeling started to dawn on me. please, merlin, don't let it be butterflies. it only took marvel a minute or two until he entered the dungeon again, holding his book and giving it to me then. i moved away from the wall, smiling a little, taking it a bit hesitantly though. "thank you.. a lot." i opened his book, flicking through the pages and only stopping as i see some of his handwritten notes. "you have nice handwriting...and i can read it, that's good." i closed the book again and compressed my lips shortly, looking at him again. "so i guess i'll..go study now then." i hated myself for not wanting to study anymore. or not alone at least. i really wanted to keep talking to him. but i couldn't get over myself to ask him to help me. he probably didn't want to anyway.

of course she meant the good kind, right? to be honest, it wasn’t nearly as obvious as she thought it was. admittedly, she was really nice to me now but that didn’t mean that she was ready to give up insulting me and change to saying nice things about me instead. i was glad to hear that she meant the good kind though and thanked her with another smile. when i thanked her for the confundus, a smirk appeared on her lips and i couldn’t even regret my words because, after all, she had deserved this moment. “well yes,” i agreed as she repeated the ‘thankful’. of course it was easier to pretend to be really angry about something than to admit it actually helped you out of an unpleasant situation. though i had been angry about it, of course. not as much as i let on though. “oh who are we kidding. you would have rubbed it in my face.” i chuckled and shook my head a little. “maybe not in an asshole-ish way but you would have mocked me for it. i’m sure of that. you can deny it all you want.” if it had been the other way, i would’ve rubbed it in her face too. after all i even mocked her because she’d done the spell. “i would have been too embarrassed to actually accept your help, trust me. i’m not very good at that. accepting other people’s help, i mean. also compliments.” i raised my eyebrows shortly before pulling the corners of my mouth down. i wasn’t even used to people offering to help me. my best friend was the exception. everyone else just seemed to enjoy to call me out on my failures.
‘babbling’ was a very accurate description of what had just left her mouth. i chuckled a bit and pursed my lips as i thought about what i was going to say now. if i said something wrong, perhaps i would have to get it as a mark on my skin and i wasn’t really keen on that. the only acceptable mark to have was probably the dark mark but i wasn’t exactly a fan of even the thought of having it either. though i had some serious worries about that part of my future anyway. “who knows, maybe i break my neck next monday,” i said with a snort. “let me just say that there are definitely worse things to have on your skin. and who knows where i’d have it anyway. your babbling deserves a special spot, don’t you think?” i laughed a bit and winked at her then, obviously suggesting a rather inappropriate part of my body.
even if she didn’t remember, i would definitely do so. as long as i could remember, i had never broken my word, not once. i couldn’t really say why this was so important to me since i didn’t have any bad experiences due to people breaking their word. i suppose it was just a matter of upbringing. my mother had always wanted to raise me as someone with manners. her brother wasn’t a person of that kind and the hatred for a lack of manners runs deep, as far as i know. though i never asked why my parents brought me up the way they did. i was just thankful for it; even the bad parts. “you’re welcome. and that’s good.” i was surprised that she could read my handwriting, maybe even a bit disappointed because i hoped she would ask me what some things meant and stay a bit longer that way. but she probably didn’t want to stay and get back to studying instead. i couldn’t really blame her. “alright then,” i said with a smile and took a step backwards. “see you around. maybe. and good luck with studying, i guess.” and with that, i turned around and opened the wall to the slytherin common room another time. after a few steps the wall closed again but i couldn’t help but listen closely until i heard it close completely. it was the irrational hope of hearing her call out for me, asking me to come back. but deep inside i already knew that i would only hear silence, the sound of her retreating footsteps at the most. i was a fool for hoping for anything else.

to be honest, he was right. i totally would've rubbed it into his face if he had really fucked up the spell. but he didn't, and i had no clue what exactly i would've done. maybe tell him that he could totally ask me for help with a smirk. or something like that. i couldn't even deny it. all i could do was chuckle and shrug a bit, nodding shortly though as i answered him. "you looked right through me. it's true though, i totally would've. but definitely not in an asshole-ish way." i was pretty sure of that. by now, i was starting to wonder if it was even possible for me anymore to be an asshole towards him. i surely hoped so, because i really didn't need any feelings besides the usual hate for a slytherin right now. hell, i had no idea how i would even handle that. just as he obviously has no idea how to handle compliments. or accepting help. sadly, that was a quite common problem though. i always wondered why some people reacted so shyly when you gave them a compliment. were they just not used to it, or simply too humble? you never know. i only knew that marvel was way too adorable with his little smile when i made him a compliment. almost too adorable. that was probably illegal, somewhere. and yet, i'd totally do it again. complimenting him, of course. "i can see that." i said, frowning a little. "but i get it, i kinda have problems with it too. especially with compliments. i'm always afraid i seem arrogant, to be honest." while i had no problems accepting help, i really struggled with the latter. i just thought it was better to simply accept a compliment with a 'thank you' instead of talking yourself out of it. in fact, i found it quite annoying when people did that. i always thought 'fine, then not, i take it back' after a while then. granted, i do get compliments for my looks every now and then, but since i'm actually quite confident about the way i look (besides being so tiny, but there's nothing you can do about that - or your looks in general, unless you happen to me a metamorphmagus) i just learned to accept a compliment. why should i hide it if i actually feel good about myself? unfortunately that sometimes led to people thinking i was arrogant or too full of myself, which was my actual problem. i didn't bother telling them that this was totally not the case. i did wonder what marvel thought of me though. but i couldn't ask. i'd just have to keep wondering for.. who knew how long, forever, probably.
i couldn't help myself, i almost shouted 'no!' as he joked about breaking his neck. either it was my general dislike for jokes of that sort or the fact it came out of his mouth, i simply didn't want to think about this. so i instantly said "oh please no.", swallowing the 'that would be horrible' i almost put behind it. no need to get too touchy feely, rinah! he was right though, there were worse things. even though i would count my babbling to the worse things. his laugh and his wink as he said it deserved a special spot though made my face feel warm and i just hoped i wasn't blushing. my mind instantly started wandering and i forced myself to think of..not so naughty things. jesus christ. i need jesus. i tried playing it cool though and gave him a smirk. "mh, a special spot just for me? already getting intimate, huh." so much about keeping it cool. i had to laugh, i just couldn't even take myself serious.
i kept looking through some of the pages of his book, actually more focusing on his notes than any of the other stuff in it. i smiled at him as he told me i'm welcome, squinting a bit then at something he probably wrote down in a hurry, since the letters were a bit smudged and i could barely read it. but before i had the chance to ask,  he took a step back, obviously wanting to go back to the common room. i swallowed down the sudden wave of disappointment. of course he wanted to go back. i almost had to laugh at myself again for even hoping he'd somehow want to stay and help me with my studies. it was just a really stupid hope and i couldn't even explain why i hoped so in the first place. i bit my lip shortly, nodding a little at his words. "right..see you around..hopefully.." i smiled a little, even though the disappointment simply didn't want to go away. i just really hoped we could talk again sometime soon. there was no point in denying that. "thank you. have a nice day, okay?" he turned around and vanished into his common room, and i lifted my hand shortly to wave at him, dropping it rather quickly though since i felt ridiculous; he probably didn't even notice. a quiet sigh escaped me and i watched the hidden door close behind him, and if i hand't just seen it close and knew where it was, i wouldn't have been able to find it again. i waited a second and turned around too then, closing the book and making my way to the gryffindor common room, ready to study some potions. though i doubted i would be able to focus on that if my mind was full of what had just happened. or if i was able to take my mind off marvel in general.